How Do You Pray?

I've been thinking a lot about prayer these last few days.  I've prayed my whole life.  I've been an emergency pray-er "Please, God, don't let my mom find out!" A hysterical pray-er "No, God, No!" and a ritualistic pray-er "Our Father, who art in heaven.  Hallow-ed by thy name." When I was little and in bed (ok, and sometimes when I wasn't so little), I would pray in order, Hail Mary, Our Father, and Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I would pray the order a few times (ok, three-- it has to be three or it won't work!) and while I prayed I would see a blue force field building around my bed, to protect me from any dangers that lurked on the other side.  Sometimes, if I was feeling particularly generous, I would pray extra to get the force field to also build around my whole house, but that was a seperate force field.  Probably not quite as strong.

The force-field of Jesus prayers were the only prayers I ever prayed that worked. I've tried talking to God. The old "Hi, God.  It's me, Mary." But then I think of Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret and I start thinking "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!" and then the prayer moment is broken because, like prayer, that stupid "increase my bust" thing never worked either, and I'm still pretty bitter about it.

I'd kneel in church during those moments before mass when you're supposed to be kneeling (someone, if you know, please tell me what we're actually supposed to be doing during that time.  Cuz I don't know. It's really blank space for me). And I'd stare down at the back of the pew in front of me, and I'd try to talk to God. "Hi, God." "What up, God." "'S'up. S'up. S'UP G?" And then I'd start to get giggley, but I do think God thinks I'm funny.  I think I crack God up.

I don't know how to pray in a way that makes me want to keep praying.  I don't know the formula.  I don't know why I should, but I feel like I need prayer in my life right now.