A reconstructed dialogue proving what a douche I am:
Me: "My life sucks."
Not Me: "Two months ago you were sending out stories, all excited about your new projects. What happened?"
Me: "I got a stack of rejections."
Not Me: "Let me guess, 'Dear MaryKatherine, We're not just rejecting this story. We're rejecting you as a human being. Love, Please Eat Shit and Die Review"
Me: "Well, that's not verbatim. Plus I don't know what I'm going to be doing next year."
Not Me: "You're facing the job market with three degrees when 90% of the world can't claim one. Yeah, I see how it's tough for you to get out of bed come morning."
M: "I'm tired-- I'm working four jobs!"
Not Me: "Four part time jobs."
M: "I work harder than a lot of people who make more money than me!"
NM: "You cannot be serious. A. How do you know, B. So what? You know what an addict's worst fear is?"
M: "Are you calling me an addict?"
NM: "If the black ski mask fits. An addict's worst fear is that all their dreams will come true. You have good jobs that allow you to do most of your work sitting in a tree if you want. You have a decent house in a decent neighborhood. No one in your family has ever gone hungry or without..."
M: "But I don't have a dishwasher."
NM: "May I punch you in the face now?"
M: "Yes, I think that would be appropriate."
