You Don't Have To Do Anything You Don't Want To Do

Someone said something truly astonishing to me this morning.  He said, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."  My first thought was, well, sir, that simply cannot be true. It is entirely impossible for that to be true.  But what if it is? Well, that would be life changing.  So, I've been testing this theory of his.  You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 

Before I even made it home I thought, I'm tired of fighting with my eight year old every day about her hair.  She refuses to wash it herself, comb it herself or even to acknowledge that there might be a problem with rats the size of New England. Her hair is the bane of my existence.  She has expressed the desire to cut it numerous times, but I've held off, because I thought she'd change her mind.  I don't want to fight with her anymore.  So, when I see her I'm going to say, "You have two choices.  Either you learn to wash and comb your own hair, or we're getting it cut into any style you like, as long as it's short and manageable." Cuz guess what? I don't have to comb your hair three times a day.  I don't have to listen to you scream.  My friend, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do.

I imagined my seventeen year old self.  Self, I wanted to say, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I can't even imagine how different my life would have been between the ages of 14 and 21 if someone had said to me, Kid, guess what.  You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.  I'm dead serious.  Try it out. You don't want to drink? No problem.  You don't want to skip school? Awesome.  No drugs? Fine and dandy.  No sex? Well, if you insist, young friend.

Clearly, I thought, this is a dangerous little piece of knowledge. I have a house recovering from guests, floors that need sweeping, dishes that need washing.  Self, I said as I drank an extra latte, totally up to you. Wash the dishes, don't wash the dishes.  I washed the dishes.  But I realized that perhaps I didn't want to, but I certainly didn't actively not want to.  So, OK, self, we will wash the dishes.

The only fights I have with my partner are about what I'm doing and what he's not doing.  I take care of the kids.  I make the decisions.  I pay the bills.  I clean the house.  What if, during one of these bi-annual arguments, he had simply said, You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Well, I probably would have punched him.  But I'm telling myself.  You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.  I feel like I've lost a thousand pounds.  I feel like I'm standing up straighter. A whole life of possibilities just opened up. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do.  So I won't.